Why did you stay? The most often asked question of me.
At the time of the first disclosure, I was so naïve and without any information. I had a strong commitment to the marriage and our family and I believed that people can change-repent and put behaviors behind them. But I also felt hat I must be in some way responsible. If only I was more beautiful, more sexual, a better person and even smarter, then surely he wouldn’t have the need to go to pornography and other acting out behaviors.
The second time he came forward and disclosed, I was extremely upset and spent hours in bitter tears and anguish. But then I picked myself up, dusted myself off and went to work. I decided that this was more than a few slips of judgement. The idea of an addiction emerged. So I found a specialist in the field of sexual addiction, I read books- I encouraged him to go to a support group- I did the work. He was willing to go along with it but didn’t become fully engaged. [Read more...]
In order to start on the road to recovery and wholeness after consistently viewing pornography, it is necessary to come out of hiding. Individuals who are involved in viewing pornography must be willing to acknowledge that they have a problem and that it cannot be dealt with in secrete on their own.
For the spouse of someone viewing pornography, recognize it is natural to feel betrayed. Trust has been broken. Support and wholeness are possible if you are willing to take the steps necessary to obtain your own recovery.
Couples must commit to individual recovery as they seek to recover their marriage relationship.
I am grateful to have come out of the darkness of addiction and to have found the road of recovery. It feels so good to be walking down the road, knowing I am at last making progress, stepping lively and lifting the burdens of shame and guilt. The road is straight, turning neither right nor left, and we walk taking one step at a time, sometimes one minute at a time but eventually one day at a time. But lest we get too confident, we look to the side of the road to see the ditch, following us along, where surely we could end up at any moment. It takes constant care to stay with the program of recovery and remain firmly on the road and not in the ditch.
In June of 2009, Lia McClanahan wrote a wonderful article outlining the resources available to those who suffer from addiction. She shares uplifting and hopeful stories about those that have used these resources to overcome the addictions that have bound them. This is an excerpt from her article.
“When he was arrested a second time for drunk driving, he was ordered to get treatment. In the Church’s program, he learned that receiving forgiveness and regaining a sense of self-worth were possible. He attended church every Sunday, studied the 12 steps, and applied these gospel principles and actions to his life. He became willing to turn his life over to Heavenly Father and, in the process, learned how to love himself and how to let the Atonement work in his life. “I couldn’t overcome all these things by myself,” he says. “The Savior can do for me what I can’t do for myself.”
Those who struggle with addiction aren’t the only ones who can experience a mighty change: loved ones find that as they apply the 12 steps to their own lives and attend recovery meetings, they can experience the blessings of the Atonement in regard to their own grief. In some areas the addiction recovery program provides support groups for family and friends, who discover that the Savior can heal them of the pain, anger, and guilt that loved ones sometimes feel.“
Please take a minute and read or listen to this wonderful article. We believe that it can help you as you look for answers on how to overcome your or anothers addiction with Pornography / Sexual Addiction.
You can view the article here: Addiction Recovery, By Lia McClanahan
Or download it here: Pornography / Sexual Addiction Recovery Lia McClanahan
Jeffrey R. Holland was president of Brigham Young University when this devotional address was delivered on 12 January 1988 in the Marriott Center.
We are sharing this speech with you becasue we believe that it delivers a pure message about Human Intimacy. This speech was delivered over 20 years ago, and still has significant relevance in today’s society. Please take the time to read this article as well as share it with anyone you think could benefit from it.
The follwoing is an excerpt from this talk:
“My topic is that of human intimacy, a topic as sacred as any I know and more sacred than anything
I have ever addressed from this podium. If I am not careful and you are not supportive, this subject
can slide quickly from the sacred into the merely sensational, and I would be devastated if that happened.
It would be better not to address the topic at all than to damage it with casualness or carelessness.
Indeed, it is against such casualness and carelessness that I wish to speak. So I ask for your faith and
your prayers and your respect.”
Please click on the link below to begin reading the article.