Dating and Pornography
- Openly discuss pornography early on in relationships so you can establish healthy communication patterns and not be blindsided by a hidden pornography habit.
- If you have struggled with pornography, it is important to tell the person you are dating the nature and extent of the problem early on in the dating relationship.
- Be sensitive and respectful while asking, listening, or responding to another person’s experience with pornography.
- Research has shown that it can take at least seven to twelve months of counseling, reporting to a bishop, and attending a 12-Step group before an addict significantly recovers.
- Marriage will not fix a pornography problem. Even after marriage, a pornography problem is not overcome without help.
- Remember that the Atonement has real power and individuals can recover. Nevertheless, do not underestimate the power of pornography.
- Follow the Spirit in relationship decisions.
Young people overcome addiction when they:
- Develop skills to gain life rewards
- Reaffirm values they have that oppose addiction
- Resolve emotional problems and become less anxious, depressed, and afraid
- Acquire assets – such as family, work, status, security – they don’t want to loose
- Mature, so that their focus shifts beyond their own needs
- Feel that they control their lives and can get what they want in the world
Highlights from a letter from a young adult, in recovery:
To those who feel they are or may be addicted . I tried each of the following and was unsuccessful
- Tell yourself, “I can quit, I will NEVER do this again, I don’t need this, I don’t like this, etc.”
- Try to ERASE the past by yourself.
- Tell yourself that the Lord will forgive you if you just pray to him and ask for his forgiveness and then never do it again.
- Hide your addiction and try to wean yourself off it.
- Expect yourself to be healed quickly because your intentions are good.
- Imagine that it will just go away with time because you are married and your wife will help straighten you out.
I can tell you that the only first step that has brought me peace and put me on the path to recovery is this – admit to myself, to my wife and to the Lord that I have a serious problem that needs serious attention. . . . then start the second step which is commitment to a serious addiction recovery program.
When I first committed to take the leap into an addiction recovery program these were my thoughts
- I don’t want to go to something like Alcoholics Anonymous. I’m really not doing that bad
- I can do this on my own. I’ll buy the book and work through it with my wife
- If I can just develop habits like prayer and scripture study, I can conquer this
- I don’t want to run into someone I know at a group meeting
- I don’t want to commit myself to a lifelong schedule of recurring meetings
Let me tell you this – I would not be on the road to successful recovery if it were not for attending my recovery program meetings.