This is Betrayal Trauma w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens | 2019 Conference

Betrayal Trauma2019 Conference SessionDecember 19, 2023

Dr. Barbara Steffens is one of the pioneers of betrayal trauma recovery research. In this keynote presentation, Dr. Steffens shares much of the research she has done on the betrayed partner of a sexual addict.

The 2019 S.A. Lifeline Conference was held at the Salt Lake Community College on Saturday, September 21st.

Highlights of Her Presentation

Some of the highlights of her presentation include:

Partner trauma: seeking safety in an unsafe situation
Partners of sex addicts: the historical foundation of the research
The development of a trauma-informed perspective

“The partner of a sex addict has responses that serve as reactions to a stressor that is traumatic in nature, in predictable emotional, behavioral, and physiological ways as her mind and body attempt to survive and adapt to a dangerous situation. She seeks what she cannot find: safety in an unsafe situation.”

— Steffens, 2005, The Effects of Disclosure on Wives of Sexual Addicts

What Does This Mean?

Partners of sex addicts experience trauma symptoms in direct response to discovery of hidden, secret behaviors and deception.
Relational trauma is the WORST type of trauma.
Partners of sex addicts experience ongoing symptoms of betrayal trauma long after the initial discovery or disclosure.
Partners of sex addicts are not automatically “codependent” based solely on being in a relationship with someone with sexual addiction or compulsion.
Many partners of sex addicts also experience other sources of trauma and threat in their relationship with the sex addict: sexual trauma, emotional/psychological abuse, and spiritual/existential abuse and trauma.

First Aid for Partners of Sex Addicts

What are the solutions — or “first aid” — for partners of sex addicts?

Be in community
Don’t hold the secrets
Honor the trauma and grief
Don’t rush to make long-term decisions
Ask yourself, “What do I need to feel safe?” and then act on that response
Establish boundaries and honor your values
Use 12-Step groups or other support networks to help you heal and to help you grow

This is a summary of some of the topics Dr. Barbara Steffens covered at the 2019 S.A. Lifeline Conference in Sandy, Utah.

About Dr. Barbara Steffens

Founding President, APSATS, 2012–2019
Assistant Professor, Clinical Mental Health Counseling (Liberty University Online, Core Faculty)
2018 Carnes Award Recipient, SASH
Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and Supervising Counselor, Ohio
Board Certified Coach (BCC)
Certified Clinical Partner Specialist & Certified Partner Coach (APSATS)
Author of “Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope & Heal” (Steffens & Means, 2009)