How Do You Know if You’re a Sex Addict?

The title is a good question, and one that more and more men should probably ask themself if we really want to move into recovery and healing from sexual addiction.

Are you wondering if your “little problem” with looking at pornography, masturbating, browsing the internet to “stumble upon” something inappropriate, scanning Facebook for hours and hours at a time is just that – a little problem – or if you may actually be addicted?

Do you think you might be addicted but don’t want to honestly admit it?

Does saying, “I’m a sex addict,” or “I’m a sexaholic,” make you want to run, hide, or just get really angry?

I’ve been there. We’ve been there, and we know how you feel.

The White Book of SA helps answer the question about whether or not a person is a sex addict pretty clearly by asking 20 specific questions that, if answered honestly, make it very self-evident.

Check out the list of questions below.


How to Know if You’re a Sexaholic in 20 Questions

empty-red-box Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior?

empty-red-box That you’d be better off if you didn’t keep “giving in?”

empty-red-box That sex or stimuli are controlling you?

empty-red-box Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?

empty-red-box Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can’t cope?

empty-red-box Do you feel guilt, remorse, or depression afterward?

empty-red-box Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?

empty-red-box Does it interfere with relations with your spouse?

empty-red-box Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?

empty-red-box Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes the overtures or sex is offered?

empty-red-box Do you keep going from one relationship or lover to another?

empty-red-box Do you feel the right relationship would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?

empty-red-box Do you have a destructive need – a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?

empty-red-box Does pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?

empty-red-box Has your effectiveness or concentration decreases as sex has become more compulsive?

empty-red-box Do you lose time from work for it?

empty-red-box Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?

empty-red-box Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?

empty-red-box Although your spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with others?

empty-red-box Have you ever been arrested for a se-related offense?

How’d you do?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, attending an SAL meeting would be a strong recommendation because, trust us, we didn’t want to admit we had the problem either or that it was “just a small bad habit.”

Look forward to your comments on the topic of addiction, recovery, and healing.

10 thoughts on “How Do You Know if You’re a Sex Addict?”

  1. Thank you so much for creating this website. But would you address somewhere in this article the steps that someone terrified of facing this problem could take before committing to attend a SAL Meeting. I don’t know if I am really ready to face a bunch of strangers about this yet.

    1. Hey J Doe,

      Thanks for the comment.

      As I read your comment, one thing came to mind:

      “This program is not for those who need, it’s for those who want it.”

      That was at one time hard for me to hear.

      But today, that speaks so clear to me.

      SAL Meetings are a safe place. We get one another.

      Hope you can come join us and start the road to recovery and healing.

    2. Hi J Doe, if you arent ready for a group of strangers yet, try talking to a therapist or spiritual leader. Maybe that can help you get more comfortable about talking about it. we are only as sick as our secrets. and isolation is the number one killer of addicts.

  2. Hi , i need some guys with 1 year of sobriety or more. Can you help me find them to talk to . its a requirement for this sponsorship program i am in.

  3. Different comment from your question, but I have come to understand that I must address the holes in my soul before I can find lasting sobriety. Since acting out is a symptom of my problem, and the pain I feel in my soul is the real problem, i must address the source of the pain. i have found that for me, it is requisite to have a therapist help me identify and treat these holes. I could not do so on my own.
    It is a process (slow) not an event. But with each step forward I am healing.

  4. I have made about 10 weeks or so without viewing porn including acting out. My spiritual leader has taken away the temptation to view it on my phone and tablet. So, in retrospect I have found no desire to seek it let alone act out. I still have images in my brain, yet I prefer not make a conscious effort to recall them. I am reminded every day that I am addicted to porn. Everyday is a fight to resist the temptation.
    It has been about 6 months since I attended a meeting. I find them bringing the subject to the forefront. Following meetings I found myself feeling lower than before I went.
    I’m not a big fan of this season, so I’m feeling very low. I would love to feel cheerful and even smile. I just don’t have it.

    1. I’m sad to hear about your experience with groups. I can relate in that when I first started going to groups I felt the shame I didn’t know I was carrying around with me nearly all the time. Plus, I didn’t know it at the time but I was also still holding on to the addiction while trying to recover from it. So yeah, I felt more down but for me it was exposing me to the reality of the addiction and I wasn’t ready to accept reality. And some groups don’t have a lot of collective sobriety so there tends to be less hope. Finding a group with several members with years of sobriety helped me to feel hope that if God did for them what they couldn’t do for themselves then maybe I had a chance too.

  5. I’ve been fighting sex addiction since I was in high school. I would do good for awhile then back slide. Every time I back slid it would get worse and worse. Till finally last week my wife of 20 years caught me cheating via messenger with a lady from out of town. She called me out on it and it scared the hell out me. Thats when I came clean to her about the addiction. And today I confessed to my bishop. Thats why I joined this group. To find peace in my life once again free from addiction. I’m looking forward to the meetings and work books so I can get on the road to recovery.

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