Valentine’s Day can be a very difficult day for those of us who have experienced the lies, deceit and betrayal of living with or having lived with a pornography or sexual addict. All the red hearts and the mushy sentiments can send us into feelings of sadness, fear, inadequacy or even anger.

But there is hope!

I love that in the Gifts of the SANON program it states:

“Our ability to give and receive love will expand tremendously, and we will become increasingly available for loving relationships with others.”

I have come to understand that it doesn’t mean that I have to see to it that everyone loves me. Everyone chooses and there are those that may choose to not love me. That is ok.

But as I work my recovery I know that learning to love another person comes when I love God first. When I know that He loves me and wants what is best for me, that He is always there for me and I have choice to turn to Him or not, that is when I am available for loving relationships.

I have also come to know that my ability to love God first also helps me to see and hold the necessary boundaries that actually show that I love myself and others.

So, love God. Feel and see His love for you.(Recognize these things by writing them down…daily) Love yourself..even with your flaws. It’s ok. You are ok. You are enough! (Do some self-care)

Then love others.

As I love in this order I will not have selfish motivations or co-dependent behaviors. I will be true to myself.

This I can do… and so can you….one day at a time.

With love,

Rhyll

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