God, please heal my broken heart.
Living through deep pain and coming out the other side has allowed me to be more
vulnerable with other women, and to both celebrate and mourn with them whole-heartedly. My
resilience has birthed a new self-respect, and my boundaries honor my personhood and my
need for safety. I can trust myself and the God of my understanding. We have my back!
And, it’s still hard sometimes.
A single invalidating or unsupportive comment by my addicted spouse can
rapidly send me spiraling into a full-blown trauma response. It’s as if every cell in my body is
screaming at me to run! This danger is familiar, and utterly catastrophic- I have to get out now!
I lose the ability to speak, or even to form complete thoughts, save that of a single, repeated
prayer. It’s a plea to my Heavenly Father,
“God, please heal my broken heart.”
As my breathing becomes rapid and shallow, I mindfully fight to take slow, deep breaths.
My heart races, and my whole body trembles in preparation for a quick escape, yet I keep my
feet planted firmly. My eyes are closed, and my mind is focused.
“God, please heal my broken heart.”
It’s interesting, but also discouraging that my trauma lies just beneath the surface. Days,
weeks, sometimes even months may pass where my trauma seems blessedly dormant.
Triggers come, and triggers go, and while my mood may rise and fall with them, I can use my
tools. Namely prayer, surrender, and reframing negative thoughts help me to regain my serenity
more quickly.
“God, please heal my broken heart.”
I know that God is working in me. It’s been a long time since I had to cry out for strength
to face each moment anew. I enjoy my life again. I experience joy, and I laugh often. I actually
like myself again- even more than I used to! I am no longer naive, but neither am I suspicious
nor bitter.
I still have my struggles. But the work I have put into healing through recovery, therapy,
my faith in God, and fellowship with others has been decidedly fruitful. I am so grateful to have
come this far. And yet, in these moments when my trauma rises to the surface, I am humbled by
the pervasive nature of betrayal trauma. And I am reminded that the road I walk is not an easy
one, though it is very much worthwhile.
“God, please heal my broken heart.”
I’m so thankful that working the 12 steps has equipped me to move forward in a healthy
way. I suspect that, for me, recovery will be a life-long journey. But that’s okay, because it really
does work when I work it, and I am absolutely worth it. So are you.
“God, thanks for working on healing my broken heart.”
