The Who, What, and Why of the Pathway to Recovery Podcast

Narrator: This is Pathway to Recovery, an SA Lifeline Foundation podcast featuring hosts Tara McCausland, who is the SA Lifeline Executive Director, and Justin B., a sex addict living in long-term recovery. We have conversations with experts and individuals who understand the pathway to healing from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma because we believe that recovering individuals leads to the healing of families.

Tara McCausland: Welcome to Pathway to Recovery. I am Tara McCausland, and we are excited to welcome you to this intro episode of this brand new podcast brought to you by SA Lifeline Foundation. And we are titling this The who, what, why of Pathway to Recovery. So to start, I am, as I said, Tara McCausland. I am the SA Lifeline Executive Director. I've been formally working with the foundation for about 2 and a half years. I'm also a graduate of Utah State and more recently Liberty University, where I received a master's in executive leadership.

I live in southern Utah. with my favorite guy, Luke, my husband of 18 years, and our 4 kids who are ages 7 to 15. I'm also the daughter of a recovering addict, and I'm familiar with the deep pain associated with this challenge. But I've also witnessed my parents and others heal and thrive. So I know that with a committed, willing heart and the right tools, recovery from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma is not only possible, but it can be expected.

It can be the expected outcome as we choose recovery and healthy living every day. That's just a bit about me. I want to introduce my co-host, Justin B. Justin, thanks for being here.

Justin B.: Thank you, Tara. I'm really excited to work this project with you. My name is Justin B. And I am a recovering sex addict. And I actually am grateful for that. I'm grateful to be an addict because it has brought me many blessings in my life. It's brought me a superpower into my life, not my own power, but that of my higher Higher Power. And a little bit about me, uh, my date of sobriety, I'll start there, is June 19th, 2015.

I am married 26 years to my beautiful wife Heather. She's amazing, she's patient, and she's also working her recovery from betrayal trauma. We have 4 amazing kids, ages 23 down to 16. I'm getting old. Uh, as I mentioned, I'm gratefully Sober one day at a time for over seven and a half years, coming up on eight years here. One day at a time, if I make correct choices, I'll make it there. I've been in the rooms of recovery for more than nine years now, and it really has made a huge difference in my life.

I'm grateful God is using me in some amazing ways. I host a couple of podcasts, free-based podcasts, Rico Twelve Speaker Meeting Podcast, and a couple of other podcasts under the Rico Twelve banner. And I've had a lot of experience doing interviews with people, addicts and non-addicts alike, in a previous podcast that I hosted called Journey Through Life Podcast. And you know, this pathway that God has brought me down has really opened my eyes and mind to a lot of different things.

Now, how am I connected with SA Lifeline Foundation? Um, when COVID happened, I found myself without a 12-step fellowship. I was meeting in person and all of a sudden that went away, and I had sponsored several people in sex addiction who had been attending SAL 12-step for several years and kept saying, Justin, this is your place. These are your people here. You need to come join in and join with us. Well, when COVID happened, I said, okay, I, I'll do that now, because the meetings that I was facilitating and moderating went away.

So I needed to find a fellowship, and I jumped into SAL 12-step, and these are my people. Um, and in the process over the last few years, um, I've been sponsoring people through SAL 12-step. I've been— I've moderated a few meetings, and now I'm really fortunate and grateful to be on the board of SAL 12-step in helping serve this fellowship. So there's a little bit about me. And Tara, once again, I'm really grateful to be working with you.

I'm excited about this.

Tara McCausland: Well, and Justin, I'm just reminded of great things you're doing in the world and you're really working your 12th step. Um, you've been a great asset to SAL 12 Steps, so I can't thank you enough for being here with me and for your continued effort to serve your brothers in this recovery work.

Justin B.: Thank you. I appreciate that, Tara.

Tara McCausland: So that's a bit about us, but who is or what is SA Lifeline? Some of you may be familiar with the foundation, others of you may not be. So here's a bit of background. SA Lifeline was founded in 2008 by Stephen and Rael Croshaw. And it was really their decades of experience with sexual addiction and betrayal trauma that led them to start SA Lifeline. So the mission of this organization is to help recover individuals and heal families.

That is our goal, ultimately, to heal families. And we'll talk more about that as we go. But we recognize there are many places you can go to find information about unwanted sexual behaviors and betrayal trauma. But what sets SA Lifeline apart is our aim to really harmonize all the necessary elements that are essential to achieve long-term recovery for individuals suffering from unwanted pornography use or sexual behaviors, as well as those who have been betrayed. And we give equal weight to both.

Often you'll find a an institution or an organization that will serve those who are suffering from addiction and others that will serve those who are betrayed. But we really try and give equal weight to both parties so that once again, not only can the individual heal, but the marriage and the family. And we've helped thousands of people discover a pathway to healing. And we don't shy away from the fact that we do make the bold claim that 100% of individuals who are rigorously honest and follow this pathway of recovery heal and thrive.

And that's why Justin and I decided to name this Pathway to Recovery. Those of you who are familiar with SA Lifeline know that we also offer a 12-step program.

Justin B.: Kara, can I jump in and talk about that since that's kind of where I'm coming from is that 12-step side of things? Yes, please. So our 12-step program, which we refer to as SAL or SAL 12-Step, was started in 2015, and it's a traditional 12-step meeting. We utilize as our foundation the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, adjusted with just a few words to come over and be pertinent to SAL and sex addiction. Um, these meetings are free. They're non-denominational, God-centered, gender-specific, trauma-sensitive, sponsor-essential meetings and are available for both betrayed women and addicted men.

We recognize that sexual addiction and betrayal trauma is not gender-specific. In fact, some of the people I'll be interviewing will find out that, you know, sexual addiction is also something that women experience and betrayal trauma is something that men also experience. Right now in SAL 12-step, We are currently growing to include those things also, but as things stand, we've got the men's only meetings that are the sexual addiction meetings and the women's only meetings that are the betrayal trauma meetings.

But because these meetings are run by volunteers working their own recovery, we have not as yet successfully started and maintained women's addiction meetings and men's betrayal meetings. We hope to in the future, and if you in the listening audience are ones that can really help out with that, jump in, let us know. We'll give you how you can contact us here in a few minutes because that need is there every bit as much as the need for the men being the addicts and the women being betrayed.

Yes.

Tara McCausland: So what then can you expect from this podcast? I'll invite Justin to take it away from here as well.

Justin B.: Yeah, so I'm really excited about this. We've got some opportunities to talk with some really neat people and the episodes that I'll really be focusing on hosting are those with the addicts, those who are addicted, and those who are betrayed. So I'll be hosting some long-form conversations of probably about 30 to 45 minutes in length typically with sex addicts in recovery and with the spouses or loved ones, the betrayed of those addicts. As mentioned earlier, I have done a lot of podcasting and interviews.

And for whatever reason, people kind of trust me and are willing to open up and I can ask the questions that a lot of people just won't ask. and get the answers that a lot of people won't answer. And I don't do it— well, my wife says I'm nosy, but I do it because I'm genuinely curious and interested as to what makes people tick, because I want to know what makes me tick, because I'm just like others and they're just like me.

And, uh, and the more I understand about others, the more I understand about myself. So I'll be asking these individualized and probing questions to encourage honesty, to encourage open-mindedness, and willingness in the recovery process. And those are 3 key things in recovery. I've gotta be honest with myself and with others. I've gotta be open-minded that, you know what, I don't know everything. I'm not God and I don't know the solution to everything, no matter how many of these books I've read in my life and no matter how many classes I've gone to.

I don't know it all. I've got to be open-minded to, to understand more. And the willingness is I've got to be willing to do things that I have not been willing to do in the past. I have to say, you know what, I have not been willing to do therapy. I haven't been willing to go to a 12-step meeting because what if somebody I know sees me there? I have to be willing to do something new because if I'm just doing the same old things over and over again, I'm not going to change.

It's not going to happen. So in these episodes that I interview, anonymity will be maintained to the extent that the interviewed wishes it. I'm Justin B. I'm going to maintain my anonymity. to the extent that it is attainable in this process. And I'm not going to expect people that I interview to give up any more than their name, and they could even come in as an alias if they wish. But that's how we're going to do it.

We're going to be honest, open-minded, and willing in this process, and I'm really excited about that. Um, the main episodes will come out every other week, and the, the week in between, we're going to have a really quick, like, Q&A type or little blurb type episode where Tara and I will, you know, maybe a little banter going back and forth on the topic of the previous week. What's coming on? We'll take questions from our audience.

If you have questions for us, we will have options and ways that you can reach out to us and ask those questions. We will read a passage or two from the SAL book and really dig in there. Um, we'll just do these things so it's a quick 10 to 15 minute blurb episode just to, uh, get you excited about what's going on, give you a little bit more insight that maybe we didn't have the opportunity to go into deeper.

But, uh, that's what those will look like. Tara, tell us a little bit about the ones you will be hosting.

Tara McCausland: Yes. So I will be doing the expert guest interviews or guest expert interviews. These are individuals who are therapists, authors, who are doctors, people who have education and specialized experience in the field of betrayal trauma and sexual addiction. And we're very excited to bring to you some great interviews with people like Barbara Steffens. Roy Kim will be our first guest expert, a therapist out of Southern Cal. So we, we will have a great lineup for you of people that can not only educate but also help give you hope that healing from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma is possible.

And that really is The hope is that we can provide, yes, education, but bottom line, hope for healing. And just as a side note, if you are interested in sending in a question, you can send us a question via our website at salifeline.org/contact-us. We'll just put the link in the show notes. How's that? And we may respond to your question on the podcast or via email. We're also looking forward to providing you with an English transcript on our website at salifeline.org.

And we're working on getting transcription available in Spanish. So cross your fingers, stay tuned. We hope that's coming. Now to end, why, why are we doing this podcast? What is our objective? As I mentioned, we hope to educate and provide hope and a clear pathway to healing. One of my favorite quotes comes from the AA Book, page 58, where it says, rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Justin, what are your thoughts on that?

Justin B.: You know, Tara, that's also one of my favorite phrases from the Big Book, and it's because I have experienced it and I have seen it in many people's lives. And I'll read a little bit here on that in the Big Book once again, page 88. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. As I finally became willing— I mentioned that earlier— willing to do things that I wasn't willing to do before, as I finally became willing to say, hey, guess what?

I think I'm an addict. I'm dishonest. I'm a big fat liar. When I finally did those things and started following what my sponsor told me to do and really working the program, going all in on it, miracles started happening. There are so many promises laid out in our books of recovery And I've put so many of those promises to the test. And as I really do it, they come true sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but they happen.

And during my conversations with people in these interviews, I'll likely be busting out the Big Book and other materials that we use, the SAL book, and use quotes from that in asking questions and then asking people's experiences. That's basically my thought on that. Rarely have we seen people fail if we followed our path because I put it to the test and I've experienced it.

Tara McCausland: Yeah. Well, so what is the path? We understand that white-knuckle sobriety is possible for months or even years really without doing the real work associated with healing. But it's our experience as a foundation working with thousands of people that long-term recovery requires a commitment to all the elements of what we call the recovery puzzle. So at the center of the puzzle are what I like to call the heart and mind pieces, which include a willing heart, humility, rigorous honesty, accountability, commitment, and seeking spiritual connection.

And then on the outer ring of our recovery puzzle, sometimes we refer to them as the 4 pillars. You'll find quality education, qualified therapy, boundaries and bottom lines for safety, and SAL 12-step work. By the way, if you If you want a download of this PDF, it's free. You can go to salifeline.org and it's right there on the main page. We will be referring to this often, so it's going to be helpful for you to have a visual.

We'll be discussing each of these elements in detail in the coming months to provide a clear picture of this pathway to recovery. And again, it's both for the betrayed and the addicted. And I wanted to share a quote with you from our SAL book. If you are interested in this book, you can also find this on our salifeline.org Finding Materials tab on the top. This is on page 2 of the introduction here. The SA Lifeline program is unique in that it invites partners on both sides of the sexual addiction equation to follow a similar pathway of hope and healing.

The same recovery tools Action steps and principles apply to those seeking recovery, whether from sexual addiction or from betrayal trauma. Embracing recovery in this uncommon way paves a path to connection and healing for individuals, couples, and families. This collaborative approach is essential because both addiction and trauma affect the entire family ecosystem. Despite every effort to establish normalcy by insulating children from its effects, we have consistently seen that the best long-term outcomes are achieved when a recovery lifestyle is adopted as a family matter.

Justin, what are your initial thoughts as I read that?

Justin B.: You know, I'm really blessed. Uh, my wife, when I was discovered in my addiction, 8 years before I actually stepped into a 12-step room, um, she immediately jumped into a 12-step room of her own to seek healing and recovery. And thank God that she did. It has made a huge difference that both of us, both she and I, are working our recovery. And she did it solo for 8 years. She was patient. Well, she was patiently waiting for me.

Yeah. And what a miracle that is. And when, when You know, as we read in this, the same recovery tools, action steps, and principles apply to those seeking recovery, whether from sexual addiction or from betrayal trauma. It's so important that both people in this situation do all that they can in order to find healing and recovery, whether that means the relationship heals and recovers, or whether it means they individually heal and recover separately. Hmm. But whatever it is, both need to do it.

It's not just his problem, or it's not just her problem. It's our problem, unfortunately, by no choice of the person. And that's why we call it betrayal trauma. It really wasn't by conscious choice of the person that was betrayed. But man, as, as these free tools and action steps are practiced from both sides, miracles can and do happen. And I'm living proof of that as of today, and I hope to be tomorrow too.

Tara McCausland: Yeah, I love that. As I mentioned, in the beginning, I am the daughter of a recovering addict. I am, in fact, the daughter of Stephen and Will Crosha. I'll just put that out there right now, the founders of SA Lifeline. And I have seen these principles lived daily in action. And I have also adopted these principles into my life, and they are blessing my current family, my marriage, and my children. And so as we move forward as a family, we are healthier and stronger.

as a result of these tools. And so oftentimes when we talk about recovery, the conversation changes from recovery from addiction and trauma to healthy living. And so these principles, yes, while they initially will bless your life and help you get out of the, the muck and the trenches of addiction and trauma, moving forward, they will provide clarity and peace, freedom and joy that really you perhaps may have never experienced in your relationships or in and of yourself and the connection with God that we can feel as we really apply these principles.

We are a non-denominational organization, but we are God-centered. So we always invite people to bring that aspect into their recovery and healing work, which we will also be talking about quite a bit as well.

Justin B.: I'd like to close out at least my part here real quick with reading the 12th step out of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is the same reading out of the SAL book. And this is the goal. The goal is to move forward and have a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. And I'll read that. Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts and to practice these principles in all aspects of our lives.

It's not just about recovery. It's not just about the addiction. It is about all aspects of my life. And as I have had that spiritual awakening and continue to do so one day at a time, every day it's a rebaptism, it's a reawakening, a rebirth. Every day I get a chance for another 24 hours. And as I try and practice these principles in everything I do, miracles happen. Miracles happen. And my life isn't perfect. My marriage isn't perfect.

But man, what a difference it makes when the God of my understanding is at the core of it all. And there is hope. There is hope.

Tara McCausland: Yes. Hear, hear. So I'll just say again, rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. So as we like to say, come heal with us. We hope that you will take this journey with us on this pathway to recovery. We'll see you next time.

Narrator: Thanks for joining us. We invite you to subscribe to this podcast so that you don't miss new episodes. And while you're at it, will you please leave us a 5-star rating and review to help us spread the good news that healing from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma is possible? We invite individuals who are struggling to join our virtual or in-person trauma-sensitive 12-step meetings. Meeting times and locations can be found at sal12step.org. You can find quality education at salifeline.org, and we hope We hope that you will follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

SA Lifeline is a 501 nonprofit organization, and we welcome donations. SA Lifeline, come heal with us.