Healing Through a Trauma-Informed Lens: Insights from APSATS President, Jeanne Vattuone

Narrator: This is Pathway to Recovery, an SA Lifeline Foundation podcast featuring hosts Tara McCausland, who is the SA Lifeline Executive Director, and Justin B., a sex addict living in long-term recovery. We have conversations with experts and individuals who understand the pathway to healing from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma because we believe that recovering individuals leads to the healing of families.

Tara McCausland: Jeanne Vitoni, LCSW, has helped those impacted by traumatic experiences for over 25 years. She is the co-founder of Willow Tree Counseling, which is an intensive outpatient clinical group that specializes in the treatment of sex addiction and partner betrayal trauma. Jeanne often speaks about these important topics on a local and national level and co-hosts the podcast Conversations on Sex, addiction, and relationships. Jeannie is a certified clinical partner specialist supervisor, a certified sex addiction therapist supervisor, and a certified partner trauma therapist supervisor, and offers consultation and training for those who are seeking these expert specializations.

Jeannie currently serves as the president of the board of the Association of Sex Addiction Partner Trauma Specialists, APSAS, and has actively volunteered on this board of directors Since 2018. Welcome to the Pathway to Recovery Podcast. I am your host, Tara McCausland, and I'm so pleased to have here with me, Jeannie Vittoni. Welcome, Jeannie.

Jeanne Vattuone: Thank you, Tara, for having me. I'm so happy to be here.

Tara McCausland: Jeannie and I met a few years ago, and I'm so pleased to see you again. And you've been busy. You've been very busy. Maybe tell us a little bit about what you've been up to. In the recent years?

Jeanne Vattuone: In the recent years. And that's the amazing thing in this field is there's so much to do all the time in advocacy work or education work and such like that. So I am busy with my practice. I'm very busy with APSATS and just for the listeners, Association of Partners of Sex Addict Trauma Specialists. Very busy doing that work and making sure that I make time for my family and myself.

Tara McCausland: Very important. So I'm really curious because as you were describing before we started, you work on both sides of the equation here. You are a CSAT and you are now president of APSATS and you work with people who are struggling with both issues of betrayal trauma and sexual addiction, which is unique and wonderful. So you see this holistically, but maybe back up for me a little bit and tell me what drew you to this field.

Jeanne Vattuone: Right. Of course. Yes. So I am a certified partner specialist with Absatz as well as a certified sex addiction therapist, CSAT. So what brought me here? I had moved to this area, which is Northern California, and previously in my professional career, I had done trauma work. And so I had done about 15 years of intense trauma therapy, working with those who had been abused, neglected, Assaulted, domestic violence. So a lot of trauma work. And I got here and met my current business partner, Tim Stein, and we were in a consultation group and he was starting to work in sex addiction.

And there was a term called co-addict at that time, referring to the betrayed partner. And I didn't know what that was. What's a co-addict? I don't understand what co-addict is. I had some experience in addiction. I have some understanding in addiction, but I don't know what co-addict was. So as he described it, which was the prevailing modality at the time, I said, that doesn't make sense to me, but as a trauma therapist, this is what I see.

And I basically reorganized the concept and the treatment for the betrayed partner. And he said, that's interesting. I've never heard that before. Let's try to share some clients. So we started working together and what happened? No surprise. Families, couples started to heal. Betrayed partner felt seen, validated, educated, understood the trauma perspective. Addict was working already in addiction. And then we tried to start helping them understand each other's processes. Because trauma healing and addiction treatment are very different.

That was 14, 15 years ago at this point. And then I went on to seek education and started finding more like-minded people with a trauma lens. And that's how I actually came to meet ABSATS. And I remember meeting Barbara Steffens at a conference and saying, yeah, I'm working with a trauma lens. What's ABSATS? What's this organization? And ABSATS had just launched, so this was 2011. And stayed involved with ABSATS. I was not one of their founders, but stayed involved and continued to progress.

And Tim and I have built Willow Tree Counseling and all of our work is partner sensitive with addiction and addict sensitive to partners. So really helping those who are still in relationship Understand each other's processes. And if they decide not to be in relationship, still understanding what's happened in the whole system. And I got more involved with Absatz, joined, obviously got certified, joined the board of directors. Actually, I, sorry, got certified, then I started supervising and offering consultation hours for Absatz.

Then I joined the board and then I became president 3 years ago. So it's been a good long relationship with ABSATS focusing on betrayal trauma.

Tara McCausland: So how many years ago was that again that you stepped into this realm? You were seeing this modality, the co-addiction that didn't make sense to you. How long ago was that? 2009. 2009. Okay. ABSATS was created in 2011. So you came to that on your own because of your experience working with trauma survivors. Absolutely. And then saw the fruits of what you were doing, which was this works. And I think that's so helpful because sometimes I think there are a lot of different ways that we can approach addiction and trauma, betrayal trauma specifically, but what are the fruits of what it is that we are doing?

And here at SA Lifeline, we do really appreciate APSATS because we feel like that model makes sense and that resonates with partners and it resonated with my mother. So anyway, I just love that you came to this on your own. Yes.

Jeanne Vattuone: Yes. And you say it resonates with betrayed partners and I'm going to offer, it also resonates with those who are struggling with the addiction because they're looking across the dinner table and not understanding what's happening. And so when they too can learn the modality of trauma as what's happening and the different stages that Absatz teaches, It makes sense to them, which allows them to have perhaps a little more grace, a little more patience, a little bit more loving, a little bit more leaning into the pain of the other person.

It makes sense to both people in the relationship.

Tara McCausland: Yeah. Great point. Thank you. And again, that is something that we're, we try and educate both sides of the spectrum about addiction. If you're a betrayed spouse and if you're dealing with addictive behaviors about betrayal trauma, because It won't make sense without good education around what's really happening here. What's happening in the brain.

Jeanne Vattuone: These are so different. I will often say to clients, one is a specialization in cardiology, which is very different than someone who is an ophthalmologist focusing on eyes. The processes, the symptomology are very different. And so if we can educate the system, and value the betrayed partner's experience, which hasn't been done in our field historically. So it's really changing the dynamic in the family.

Tara McCausland: You talked a little bit about APSATS, and thank you again. It's a long acronym. I won't even try and say it, but do you wanna say anything more about how the organization came into existence, what the values of the organization are?

Jeanne Vattuone: Yes, of course. As my story is, that happened for others. Um, Barbara Steffens, Dr. Barbara Steffens, did some research back in 2006, I think, her PhD dissertation, looking at trauma symptomology and was that perhaps what was happening for betrayed partners. Her statistic is super high. It's in the high 70s of her sample size that yes, folks were meeting the criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder. That's a very big deal. So out of that, she and Marsha create Your Sexually Addicted Spouse book, which then lots of people really resonated with and were reaching out.

And then those wonderful women started talking with other folks who had a more trauma perspective. And the like-minded people came together. It's a very grassroots story. Yeah. People coming together saying, this is working for me. This is, hey, this is working all over the country. And so those people got together, worked so hard in creating APSATS. And so the official launch was 2011. Again, I met them in 2012 at a SASH conference. So those founding members worked so hard to create this organization that really values the betrayed partner and values changing the treatment landscape.

For betrayed partners. And also I wanna make sure folks understand APSATS is a training organization. So we train coaches and clinicians in our multidimensional partner trauma model, which I can talk about in a second, but we train the folks with a betrayal trauma lens and all of the different kinds of impacts and sensitivities that can occur for a betrayed partner. We're very big advocates. So that's another one of our missions is to advocate in the world.

So train, advocate, certify, and we would love to get into research. We do all that we can to support empirically based research because that also changes the landscape of treatment for betrayed partners. So APSATS is a very active organization, and if anyone's a coach or clinician and wants to do this work, apsats.org. Please come find me. I'll talk with you because the more professionals who understand this work, the better folks' experiences, lives are, less pain.

Tara McCausland: Because this is a newer field and change takes time, we know. What challenges do you see for clinicians and like the field in general adopting this view with this modality? What pushback do you see?

Jeanne Vattuone: I think there is some pushback. Folks who maybe haven't been as current with research and education. I think for some folks it's difficulty with change. They've got a program, they're used to this program, and they feel their program is successful. I think change is difficult for a lot of people. Sometimes there's pushback because there's a lot of labeling of certain behaviors. I'll use the phrase controlling. This, my, the partner is controlling. And I would say the reframe is they're seeking safety.

They're trying to understand and feel safe, emotionally, physically, sexually safe. I feel really confident in this model. Again, I've seen the progress, the healing. And so when that pushback comes, I say, yeah, I hear you. And what about thinking about it this way instead? And I think really education over time is the way we're going to change some of the cultural beliefs, perhaps, in some groups, some organizations, the individuals.

Tara McCausland: Thank you. So I appreciate you again telling us what AFSATS is. It's a training organization and some of those values of advocacy and wanting to get into research. What though? Tell me, what does it mean to be an APSATS provider?

Jeanne Vattuone: And that's a really important thing that when folks are seeking providers, it's a great question to ask. Are you APSATS certified? Are you an APSATS certified person? And there's a difference of certified versus trained. So I'll make sure to talk about that. So for APSATS, again, we have the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model, and that is a multi-phase model. Which I'll say right here, there's 3 phases, which is very important again for both partners in the relationship. So first phase is safety and stabilization, which is what is the truth?

How do I, how do I work with the ups and downs of a trauma response? I'm not crazy. I'm experiencing trauma. So So the hypervigilance, the intrusive thoughts, difficulty sleeping, difficulty eating, highs and lows of mood, that really is in safety stabilization. Therapeutic disclosure is in safety stabilization. So many pieces of what's the data. Hmm. And then we're also going into next stage, grief and mourning, which is now how is that impacting me? What have I lost?

I'm reworking what I thought my life to be, perhaps. Not everyone goes through this process. I don't wanna say every betrayed partner has a betrayed partner trauma response. That is not accurate, but a lot do. So in grief and mourning, it's what was my life? How do I make sense of it? And the brain is working extra hard to reorganize. The impact is deeply felt. This is very heavy grief work and anger. And then with a good provider coming through to phase 3, which is reconnection, reconnection to self, reconnection to others, trauma symptomology has really evened out.

A lot of folks in trauma world will also call this post-traumatic growth. Which is, I have learned so much about myself. I'm 2.0 version now. So to be certified with APSATS, you go through the MPTM training, which is a 4-day training. And then to become certified, you need to do supervised hours with an approved APSATS supervisor. And that is really, how do I implement this? Hmm. Is greater awareness of how does this show up for my clients?

We do lots of groups, so you get to hear a huge variety of clients and implementations of the model. And that's to be certified. It's all with a trauma-informed conceptualization of the partner's experience and sensitivity and awareness to the addiction process.

Tara McCausland: Thank you. So there's quite a lot that goes into that. And we at SA Lifeline, we talk a lot about qualified therapy. That's a part of our recovery puzzle, as we call it. Why in your experience is it so critical to have a qualified clinician who understands trauma and addiction? What are the, what's the worst case scenario if you're dealing with a clinician, a therapist, coach that it's not on their radar, they don't have any specialized training.

Worst case scenario. And then what, on the flip side, what can you hope for when you have a qualified therapist?

Jeanne Vattuone: Yeah. And unfortunately these stories still occur. Very well-meaning providers, very well-meaning coaches, clinicians who are well-trained but don't know this field. They may accidentally offer guidance, suggestion, which reinforces that there's something wrong with the betrayed partner. They are too controlling. They are not having enough sex. And if they had more sex with their loved one, maybe their loved one wouldn't do this behavior. So there's this implication at times that it's, quote, their fault, which we know is not true.

Addiction is running addiction's course and betrayed partner is impacted. So if someone who is not trained, there is a higher likelihood they may give For advice, which then causes another layer of trauma. And we call that treatment trauma. I just, so many stories are coming to my mind. It's, I have to slow my brain to find. So that's the risk. I've had clients, I was told that I needed to have more sex. They were in couples therapy and she was uncomfortable with some of his sexual behavior.

And she was told that she was frigid and if she was more accommodating. So that would require her to go against her own set of values, her own comfort level, her own sexual comfort with her own body, to be more sexual with him in a way that didn't feel emotionally safe. And the provider was encouraging her to do so. That is not an okay thing in our world. And I wanna say so many good providers, but not knowing the context of what's really going on.

There's on the other side, sometimes folks go to couples therapy or they're working as a couple with a coach and the other provider is not trained, so they may miss some of the indicators that perhaps an addiction is present. For example, this person watches a lot of pornography and so therefore doesn't, quote, every guy do it? If it's causing a difficulty in the relationship or someone wants an open marriage and they're exploring that when really it could be part of the addictive behavior, having sex with others.

So it's just, it's just mistakes and misguidance, which have just profound effects. that ripple on into the years of a coupleship. So you want a provider who can understand perhaps there's an addiction present. Maybe we should have an assessment. Perhaps there's a betrayal going on and that's why the betrayed partner is angry or sad or seems crazy. I hear that one a lot. So having people who understand, who can give appropriate context to what's going on and proper assessment, cuz proper assessment leads to better treatment.

So super important to have someone who understands this field.

Tara McCausland: Yes. Thank you. So you, you've described the multidimensional partner model, which is a 3-phase model, and I'd love for you to talk a little bit more about that, but also Sometimes we don't know what really the difference is between a trauma model versus a codependent or co-addict model. And I wondered if you could compare and contrast those a little bit for us. And maybe what are some telltale signs that maybe you're working off of a codependent or co-addict model and may not even be aware of it?

Jeanne Vattuone: I would say the absence of the trauma information is going to give you a clue. In my mind, first order of business is to assess clients, but also educate, which is another one of APSAT's strong values, is the education of the community, but education of your clients. And is your provider talking about trauma symptomology? Are they talking about how to help stabilize the emotion, the mood? The dreams, the difficulty sleeping. Are they using that kind of languaging or is the languaging, how are you enabling?

What are you doing that's causing your loved one to act this way? And so a lot of betrayed partners felt very blamed and still do. What are you doing in the relationship or not doing enough in the relationship? Those kinds of phrases and expressions when someone walks in the door of treatment, then you know you're not in a trauma model. There may be a day later that one says, what's my growing up? What's my way of being in relationships?

That could be very appropriate, but it is certainly not appropriate in the front stages of this work. We will often say betrayal trauma. This is like someone who comes to the emergency room and they have been shot and they're diabetic. Which do you deal with first? You're going to deal with the crisis, the emergency. You're going to help the gunshot wound. You're going to deal with the trauma chaos. You'll get to the diabetes, other stuff later, but we're going to deal with the trauma.

Yeah. Because to ignore that leaves the person in great pain. And so one of APSAT's really strong commitments is educating, whether we're educating our clients, educating other groups, being on podcasts, offering our training, really to change the landscape for betrayed partners.

Tara McCausland: Yes. I love that metaphor. And actually a lot of people that we've had on this podcast have used like a metaphor of a, a car crash. Yes. And that you've been injured in a car crash, no fault of your own. And of course, yeah, like we're not gonna ask the person that's just been in a head-on collision, what's your back history? What are your family of origin issues that could have caused you to get—

Jeanne Vattuone: It's totally inappropriate. It is inappropriate at that stage. And the car crash is really great because a lot of betrayed partners, when they have discovery or realizations or full understanding of some impact, they do feel physically run over. Yeah. I mean, the emotional impact is so physical. So I like your metaphor too.

Tara McCausland: Yeah. Let's go back to the multidimensional partner trauma model. And you had described what those 3 phases were. And we have talked to some extent about safety and stabilization. We had Jake Porter on talking about the grief and mourning stage, but you were just saying that there will come a time When we do have some safety and stabilization, the partner can then move into grief work. When do you know you're ready to move into stage 3, which is that post-traumatic growth?

And tell us more about what that looks like and how, as a clinician, an APSATS clinician, you help partners with that.

Jeanne Vattuone: I'm going to re— I'm going to tinker a little bit. It's not that I'm ready to move in. It's really as an observer, as a provider, I'm watching where my client is. And it's not that, uh, I wanna make sure that folks don't think it's linear. We do this. Yeah. And then we grieve and then we're fine.

Tara McCausland: Not so much.

Jeanne Vattuone: It's more of a safety stabilization, tumultuous period of time starts to simmer down a bit as grief and mourning start to increase. Now, if there's a relapse, someone is probably going to go back to safety stabilization for a while. And then probably if safety is provided and people take that very seriously, move back into grief and mourning. And then grief and mourning could be very large. And then the grief starts settling down and you're going to start to hear people talk about, what would I like it to be?

I'm thinking I'm going to go back to Cool. You know what? I've always wanted to write that book. You're gonna hear these subtle shifts. And so it's an evolution. I wanna make sure that people don't think, check, I am now new one. Because there's a lot of checkbox kind of thoughts and mentalities in addiction work, which is very behavioral, task-oriented. Hmm. You want a little more spirit in that work. And so for betrayed partners, it's a flowing towards.

But that is always the goal, is to get to, however long it takes, is very individualized, but into the reconnection, which is like the reconnection to self. Who am I in the world? Who would I like to be now? Now that I've been through this experience, I can see, and this is really hard for betrayed partners on the front side, I can see the silver lining. I don't want this to have happened to anyone. But I'm grateful for the, what I've learned about myself through it.

Or if we decided to stay in our relationship and work towards a better relationship, I call it 2.0. I'm grateful for what we have now. I could never go back to what that was. So that's that post-traumatic growth is what have I learned about myself? What do I wanna do differently? That's more satisfying, fulfilling for me in my individual self as well as my family. So it's this beautiful transformation that's happening.

Tara McCausland: We hear often enough, like, how long is this going to take? They want a list of to-dos. And you're absolutely right. This is not linear. What dangers do you see for people who are working their own recovery and also for maybe clinicians or organizations that maybe are trying to rush That a little bit.

Jeanne Vattuone: Yeah, no, we hear, how long is this gonna take? I hear a couple things. Sometimes I hear a client say, why don't I feel better? And then sometimes I hear the one who is struggling, the betrayer, why isn't my partner better? He or she feeling better? And then that's a question of, okay, what's happening? What's not happening in this system? Are people fully surrendering and accepting Have they jumped in both feet to do the addiction work?

Has betrayed partner been supported to get their own therapy, coaching, support in a betrayal trauma way? So what kind of level of work are people doing? What kind of level of acceptance is happening? Are folks working on, particularly I'm thinking the betrayer, Working on that defensive posture that can happen, which I understand is very natural. It's protective. It's hard to be accountable. It's hard to be so responsible when you feel great, perhaps shame that you harmed your loved one.

But that, those are some key tenets to tending to and having compassion for the betrayed partner. And again, understanding Addiction treatment is very task-oriented. It's very behavioral, lots of homework. You're changing neural pathways. You're practicing and practicing those new coping skills, and you have to figure out where it all came from. That's very different from a betrayed partner, which is restabilizing who I am in the world. Yeah. Helping their brain calm down out of, out of a limbic system chaos, helping them feel safe, which then helps them and their brain settle down to do healing work, trust-building work that takes a very long time.

It is not task-oriented. It is not homework-oriented. It is tried and true over a long period of time. And so there is a big difference. And I think that's really important that they each understand the treatment process is different. But if someone is feeling stuck or they think their loved one is stuck, it's a great question of why. What are some of the barriers? What is some, what's getting in the way? And without blame, looking to see what those barriers are and then, okay, how can we assist?

Being very careful not to blame partners, but I also don't wanna blame those with the addiction. So it's really compassionately coming forward to what's going on that is maybe in the way of this progress. And it takes a long time. Yeah. Trauma healing takes a long time.

Tara McCausland: Yeah. And rebuilding relationship from ground zero takes a long time, right? That trust, that doesn't happen overnight. You, it's built drop by drop. And if there is a relapse, then you go back.

Jeanne Vattuone: You do, you go back. I would hope that you don't go back. It feels like you went back to the beginning. Hopefully you didn't go all the way back to the beginning. Right. I often use, it's every day is an opportunity for A trust coin in the trust bank. And over time, that piggy bank gets heavier and fuller. That's the kind of stuff you're going for, but it takes a lot of time because you're healing that attachment wound, that rupture of trust, that rupture in security of who I think you are and who you are with me.

That kind of stuff takes time. Yeah.

Tara McCausland: So much patience involved here, which can be generally as human beings, patience is not something that we all are good at. But yes, this work is a test in patience and being, as they say in 12-step, in the present, one day at a time, be where your feet are, cuz otherwise it can feel really discouraging. Yeah. But I think you would be able to say, and we'll leave this to the end, there is hope.

Jeanne Vattuone: There is hope.

Tara McCausland: There is a path of healing.

Jeanne Vattuone: There absolutely is. I don't know that I could do this work if I wasn't regularly seeing people working hard, people finding meaning, people making changes. And that's what has always attracted me to trauma work and this kind of addiction work is my clients work hard. And our Absatz community being out there. Those clients work hard for their healing and healing is possible. Recovery is possible. And I see it every day.

Tara McCausland: Because we have the president of APSATS here, since APSATS trains coaches and clinicians, does APSATS offer any information to the general public?

Jeanne Vattuone: Yes, yes, yes. So that's another part of this, our mission statement of education, right? Education to coaches and clinicians who come to us. Who would like this kind of training to bring that into the client world. We have multiple things that are available to the community at large. So let's start with our podcast, Betrayal Recovery Radio, which you mentioned Jake earlier. So is currently hosted by Jake Porter, previously hosted by Carol Jurgensen Sheets. So Betrayal Recovery Radio is out there for everybody.

The other thing we have for those who are religious leaders, but not coaches or clinicians, we have a Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training, which teaches about the trauma perspective and talks about how do you integrate and implement that in your faith community. So that's for religious leaders. And then we have for coaches, clinicians, or any professional Doesn't have to be ABSAT certified or involved with ABSATs. We have a monthly 1-hour lecture, always something regarding betrayal trauma by different people in our community.

And it's very low cost. I wanna say $25, I think. And that's happening every month. And then lastly, we last 2 years ago launched our conference. And so this is a bit unique, I think, in the world. Where our conference, by the way, February 2025, and you can find that at absatz.org. We have a 3-day conference. The first day, the public is welcome. So folks who are betrayed partners or loved ones of betrayed partners, as well as the professionals, can attend that first day.

So they're getting high-quality education from leaders in our field. And then the other following 2 days are for coaches and clinicians. You don't have to be Abset certified. Any coach and clinician can attend the professional training. So professionals can attend all 3 days. We ask that members of the community who don't have that kind of training are only attending on day 1, but that's gonna give them 5-ish different speakers who are leaders in our field. So The other part is that folks can go to our website and find a professional.

So if you're looking for someone who is ABSATS certified or in the progress of becoming certified, you can go to absats.org, click on find a professional, put in your address, and you're going to find who's nearby. So we try to make our information accessible while also staying true to our mission Of training the public and training coaches and clinicians.

Tara McCausland: Wonderful. That's great to know. And is that a hybrid conference or is it only in-person or only virtual?

Jeanne Vattuone: What a great question. Thank you for asking, cuz I forgot to say that. What we've decided to do is we are gonna go every other year. Oh, okay. So February '25 will be online and then in the winter '26 will be in-person. Okay. Same with our Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model trainings. We offer 3 of those a year. We've been doing online. We always did online and in-person before COVID and then went fully online. And we're gonna, in '25, we're gonna start bringing in-person back for that as well.

So we have that online and then fall '25 we'll have an in-person MPTM training.

Tara McCausland: Wonderful. That's great, great info. So February 2025 for that APSATS conference. Very good. I have a couple of final questions for you. So recognizing again that change takes time and this is a relatively new model, Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model, what suggestions might you make to groups, organizations who are seeking to be more trauma sensitive. It, that, that change takes time. Education takes time and money and resources. Any thoughts about that?

Jeanne Vattuone: On back to the education encouragement, there are a lot of free resources, podcasts such as yours, podcasts, so many different, very qualified, reliable resources that are available to anybody. Looking at the podcasts, doing the education. These days, which is, I'm so grateful for, when I started, there were 2 books out there and now there's a lot more. So if you're in your bookstore or Amazon, which has everything, looking for betrayal trauma and just reading about it, considering it.

So free resources are out there. Low-cost resources are out there. You wanna do more? Get into some training. With groups who may not be familiar with betrayal trauma, I would like to really encourage some education because the field is changing. And why is the field changing? Because the new treatment modality is working and is appropriate. So if someone is having more of a codependent or co-addict mindset, whether individually or organizationally, I really encourage them to start to review the recent research, the recent articles out there, because I understand that this is a big change of perspective for some folks, and it's working.

And when we have research, qualified research, showing the benefits Of a betrayal trauma model. That's not surprising to me, but in the research community, in the journals, you're finding that being validated. So what used to be anecdotal, what I heard on my couch, is transforming into actual research data. And that is changing the treatment modality. When you start talking to some of the inpatient facilities, They understand the trauma. When you're talking to folks who have been educated in the last 10 years, they're talking trauma model.

So for anyone who may be quite not sure that this is what's happening for them, or not quite sure that might be a match for their organization, I encourage you to dig into some of the data and the research because it's all going to be trauma betrayal. These days. And it's so prolific in this way because it's so successful. And when people are feeling better and healing as individuals and as a unit, and the research backs that up, you're onto something.

So I just really encourage folks to consider other points of view. If perhaps this is not a match for them, please do consider and learn about it.

Tara McCausland: I really appreciated that at the beginning of this, you were talking about how this approach isn't just helpful for betrayed partners. This is helpful for the unit, the marriage unit. And we know, and we've seen in our organization that when people dealing with addiction start to come to understand trauma, not only for their partner, but for themselves, there is more healing. Could you speak again briefly to how are you finding that the trauma model is helping heal couples and families?

Do you have a specific experience you could share? Yeah.

Jeanne Vattuone: The folks who are struggling with the addiction, when they make sense of the trauma symptomology and even the multidimensional partner trauma model and the phases that often betrayed partners go through, they create, in my mind, a deeper compassion. For example, my business partner, clinical partner, Tim Stein and I are writing a book and it is a partner-sensitive addiction book. And currently we're in draft form and we use it in our groups. And so we were just having a conversation the other day in groups and one of the individuals was saying how learning about the multidimensional partner trauma model, learning those phases of trauma, Really helped him understand what was happening for his wife.

Because instead of being completely overwhelmed and confused by what she wants or needs, or what do I say? What do I not say? How do I help? Reading, this is the progress, these are the symptoms, this is what's happening in each stage, really helped him to say, Oh, she's needing safety and stabilization. That's what's happening. Okay. Which allowed him to sit back in his chair a little bit, work to hear her emotions, not necessarily the complaint part, but hear the emotions and be able to respond to the emotions, which then had the outcome of betrayed partner Felt heard, understood, connected to, empathized with, which then allowed them to have a very different kind of conversation later in the day.

So I really firmly believe, because I see this, that when those who are struggling with addiction really understand what's happening for their partner, it can also change the way they interact with their partner. Which has a beautiful tending, compassionate experience. Now, I will also say it is not as lovely always as I just expressed. Right. It's hard and it doesn't make sense. And when one limbic activated brain is talking to another limbic activated brain, it doesn't always go so well.

But knowing, ah, the limbic brain safety stabilization. Okay, what can I do to help? 'Cause I don't want this getting worse. So how can I be a helper in the moment? That changes, that changes the dynamics in the relationship and they start to become a unit working together.

Tara McCausland: Oh, you put that so nicely. And I love how, again, this education piece is so critical because otherwise without that understanding of trauma, then again, she just looks crazy or resentful, unwilling to forgive or move on, whatever. But if you can go back into that, if you can take that step back and say, no, this is a safety-seeking behavior. And it becomes less personal for the person dealing with the addictive behavior.

Jeanne Vattuone: And therefore they can lean in. And that is exactly what absets was created for. It's So many partners were reaching out saying, I've been told I need to forgive. I've been told I'm crazy. I'm the problem. The blame is on me. He's an addict because of me. All of these things which are inaccurate. So if we can shift the lens that we're using, shift the lens we're looking through to talk with, interact with, be with betrayed partners, One, it helps the betrayed partners.

Two, it helps the system. So when we have accurate glasses we're looking through, things look different and they're gonna respond in a more positive way. So this is exactly why Absatz was created, was to help clients, help people, help families change the landscape of the treatment modality.

Tara McCausland: I've enjoyed this conversation so much, Jeannie. Thank you for your time. And before I let you go, um, may I ask the final question that we always ask? What would you tell a newcomer who's just stepping onto this path of recovery? And what would you tell someone that's been working this for a while, maybe needs a little bit of a boost?

Jeanne Vattuone: So the folks who are just coming in, what an opportunity. Because truly I have seen, it brings tears to my eyes. If you can get the right kind of help right away, someone who, and this is for betrayed partner and those struggling with addiction, if you could get the right kind of help, people who understand the nuances of sex addiction, people who understand the nuances of betrayal trauma and how they impact the other person, you are starting the this healing journey with the right tools.

It makes such a difference. That's so important because I've seen the other, which is folks who have been on this road quite a while and wondering why it's not moving, why it's not growing, why it's not progressing. And I'm always saying, have you found the provider who is specialized, who has specialized training in this area? Because that makes all the difference. And being around others. So your peer group, your community, whether for betrayed or betrayer, having a community that encourages education, encourages and supports, but also challenges because we, no one ever wants to be in an echo chamber.

So everyone has blind spots. And so having the right kind of the trained people around you makes the biggest difference.

Tara McCausland: Thank you again, Jeannie. You are doing such important work and so grateful for your efforts in this field. So needed. So keep up the great work. Thank you again.

Jeanne Vattuone: Thank you. And thank you so much for having me, Absatz. We want to be out in the community sharing this message. So thank you so much for inviting me. Yes, absolutely.

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