Meet the 2023 S.A. Lifeline Conference Speakers & Four Reasons We Hope You Will Come Heal With Us

Narrator: This is Pathway to Recovery, an SA Lifeline Foundation podcast featuring hosts Tara McCausland, who is the SA Lifeline Executive Director, and Justin B., a sex addict living in long-term recovery. We have conversations with experts and individuals who understand the pathway to healing from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma because we believe that recovering individuals leads to the healing of families. Welcome to the Pathway to Recovery Podcast.

Tara McCausland: This is Tara McCausland, and this is going to be a unique episode. We have our annual conference coming up on September 9th, 2023 in Sandy, Utah. The theme for this year is Come Heal with Us: A Community Focus. On recovery from the effects of pornography, sexual addiction, and betrayal trauma. This will be a fantastic opportunity for you to come and gather in community, whether you do it online or in person. We wanted to just take a few minutes here on the podcast to introduce the wonderful speakers of the 2023 conference to you and have them in their words, tell you a little bit about what they will be presenting on at the conference.

And we'll end with a few words of wisdom from the wonderful Dr. Jill Manning, who gives us 4 great reasons as to why you should come and heal with us at this conference. These segments were recorded separately from one another, so I'll go ahead and introduce each speaker. We'll start with Lachelle Burkett from Hope Redefined. How are you, Lachelle?

Lachelle Burkett: I'm great. Thanks for having me, Tara.

Tara McCausland: Would you like to just briefly introduce yourself?

Lachelle Burkett: I'm the lead Hopecaster and executive director of a ministry called Hope Redefined. We're based out of Knoxville, Tennessee, but support women all over the world through virtual groups, particularly women who are navigating the impact of infidelity and sexual addiction in their stories. So we get the, the honor of walking with them through their healing journey.

Tara McCausland: And so grateful for the work. that you are doing with these women. Such important work. And Lachelle will be a keynote and a breakout speaker. And so I just wanted to let people know who you are and just give us a glimpse of what it is you're going to be speaking about at this conference.

Lachelle Burkett: Yeah, I'm, I'm really excited. I've been really sitting with this topic for several months now since the invitation was extended to me and I am looking forward to unpacking the power of community and really beginning to understand it from its original design, the way that God has created us in creation as community, the way we still see him modeling community for us, uh, all over the place, uh, but also just really wanting each and every one of us to understand the value of it and the impact of it.

I know that. In my own personal story, addiction has created a ton of isolation and shame and loneliness. And those are the complete opposite of what we really feel like is what brings healing and hope. So I'm looking forward to being able to speak to that and maybe encourage people to really start to make finding their community, their safe people, a priority. And then in addition to that, in the breakout session, what I wanted to really be able to do is equip anyone to understand what it means to be a trauma-informed community.

Uh, what does that look like? What are we looking for when we say trauma-informed and how do we care for people in their trauma? Wonderful.

Tara McCausland: And that is specifically geared toward the religious community, correct? That's correct. Which we're so excited about. Faith leaders are really a critical part of the healing process and can be a great support or a great, uh, detractor of healing if they're not. educated on how to deal with this kind of trauma. So thank you, Lachelle, for being here with us. We'll see you in September. Now we will hear a bit from another keynote speaker. He will also be doing a breakout for us.

His name is Daniel Weiss. He is the president of Sexual Integrity Leaders. He is also the author of a book called Treading Boldly Through a Pornographic World: A Field Guide for Parents. But I'll let him introduce himself a little bit more and tell us more about what he'll be sharing at the conference. I am here with Daniel Weiss. Daniel, welcome.

Daniel Weiss: Well, thank you, Tara. It's my pleasure to be with you and to talk about the conference that you're having soon. Yes.

Tara McCausland: Give us a little preview, a little snapshot of what it is that you'll be speaking about at the conference.

Daniel Weiss: Sure. So Daniel Weiss, I am the president of the Sexual Integrity Leaders. We have an annual summit as well. I've been doing this work with this nonprofit for 12 years now. Prior to that, I've been working on the issue of pornography for almost, for a little over 20 years now. Got my start at Focus on the Family. And so part of my background is I was doing public policy work, but I was also a research analyst. And about 6 months after I took the job at Focus in 2002, I went to a recovery leaders training seminar and I was not in recovery myself at that time.

And I was not a leader, but I was a researcher and I was curious. And I went there. And the first thing that occurred to me as the conference started was that the church doesn't understand this issue. And I say that now because I will be talking about these, how churches and community leaders can really engage this issue of pornography. My keynote talk is Treading Boldly Through a Pornographic World: A Field Guide for Parents, Faith, and Community Leaders.

And I really want to cast a vision for people who are dealing with their own sexual story, their own sexual brokenness and recovery, and the power that is in their own story to actually help free others. and lead others into the light, so to speak. Uh, so I'm very, uh, excited to take what happened 20 years ago and turn it into a positive for church community leaders and parents.

Tara McCausland: I love that. And your breakout will kind of piggyback on what you will talk about in your keynote, but tell us more about your breakout session.

Daniel Weiss: Yeah, this one we've titled Treading Boldly with Our Kids, a conversation with parents And really this is derived— this title, Treading Boldly, comes from a book I co-authored with Josh Glaser. And really the idea is so many people approach topics of sexuality with fear and trepidation. And frankly, there are a lot of reasons why that is so. But parents especially, we believe, need to take bold action. And I hope to have that conversation with parents in that breakout.

To kind of remove hopefully some of the fear that parents have about talking about sexuality, about discussing pornography. And part of that involves helping parents deal with their own sexual story and how that plays into the way they interact with their own children. And I think this is something that a lot of parents don't— they aren't encouraged by anyone to think about or to understand the implications of how their past, the messages they grew up with or the behaviors and activity they had, how that can really continue to influence their present and prevent them from walking, being fully present with their kids as our, as our kids are dealing with life in a highly pornographic sexualized society.

So I'm very eager to help parents explore these ideas and hopefully bring a lot of light and freedom there as well.

Tara McCausland: Yeah, and I'm so excited about that presentation particularly. We have parents always asking us, what resources do you have for parents? And this will be a great resource. So again, Daniel, so excited to have you. Thanks again, Daniel. Our next speaker I'd like to introduce is Jacob Hess. He has a PhD in community psychology. He is a mindfulness expert, a thought leader. A researcher, a prolific author, and a contributing editor of the Deseret News. Jacob, so great to have you here.

Jacob Hess: I'm privileged, really.

Tara McCausland: Jacob, can you tell us just a little bit about yourself and maybe get— just give us a snippet of what it is that you're going to be presenting on at the 2023 SA Lifeline Conference this year?

Jacob Hess: I'm going to be talking about Something that you've admitted is a little confusing. If you had a problem with cancer or alcohol or any other major problem and you constantly looked around and found everybody debating about what to call it and whether it's a problem at all, it would get really confusing. So In mindfulness, there's this practice where you push back on all the thoughts and you push back on the stories in your head, and you just get clear on what is actually there.

Instead of taking for granted what my thoughts say as reality, I'm going to start to examine them. I'd like to propose we do that. With all the many conversations that are going on about compulsive patterns sexually, all the way from, it's not actually a problem at all, this is just who people are, they're wired to be sexual beings, stop shaming them for who they are, all the way to what some would consider a betrayal of God and putting your trust and your love on something other than God.

It's certainly a betrayal of spouse, of significant others. And then you have conversations about it's really just a bad habit, it's a stress reliever, or it's, it's a condition, it's a disorder, it's an addiction. What I'd like to discuss is why all this matters, and depending on the specific problem definition we adopt, how it leads us in different directions. There are some advantages and disadvantages to lots of different ways of seeing it. If we only consider pornography use an affair, if that's the only lens that we're viewing it, it is only a betrayal.

It's just the same as an affair. And we can't see how, for instance, an 11-year-old boy that was exposed to it is using it to like deal with emotions, kind of like somebody uses Oreos. We can't acknowledge truths like that. Or if we can't see how the pornography use is actually connected to this much bigger sexual industrial complex that goes way beyond any individual, right? If we can't see spiritual dimensions of it, what does it mean for someone trying to get free?

I would argue, and I will argue, that it means a lot. And depending on how we see the problem, it leads us in very different directions.

Tara McCausland: I love that. Thank you. And just to kind of encapsulate what you just said, the title of your presentation is Why the Way We See Pornography shapes whether we find freedom. So I'm very excited about this presentation. Jacob and I were talking briefly beforehand about the difficulty of defining what this is, and if you, if you don't know what the problem is, you really don't know how to find a solution. And so again, Jacob, we're so excited to have you.

Jacob Hess: Thanks, Tara. See you soon.

Tara McCausland: This next segment is with my friend Kahi Winget. who is a member of SAL 12 Step and is a leader in our SAL 12 Step program. Kahi, I'm so excited that you will be speaking at the, at the conference as a breakout speaker. But before we get into what you'll be talking about, can you just briefly introduce yourself? Tell us what you do for SAL 12 Step. Sure.

Kahi Winget: I am Kahi. I am currently the SAL Women's Executive Director. It sounds very fancy, but really what I do is I'm in charge of helping all the efforts to keep the 12-step meetings functioning and available and to keep them free and organized. That's what I do for SAL. It's a blessing for me to be involved in that way.

Tara McCausland: And Kahi's actually been with us for how many years?

Kahi Winget: I think I've been helping for 10. Wow.

Tara McCausland: 10 years. 10 years. Yeah. So invaluable service has been given by this great lady. So thank you. Thank you for being awesome. But tell us a little bit about what you'll be presenting on at the conference.

Kahi Winget: The title of my presentation will be Creating and Holding Effective Boundaries. So just a little history, I guess, I have been attending 12-step meetings for 12 years, about 12 years. Boundaries. I am still learning about boundaries. So this topic was, is a little bit scary for me because I feel like boundaries are such a vital part of recovery and of creating that safety and trust in a relationship, not just with your loved one, but also with Your higher power and with yourself and all those things.

Boundaries just play into every aspect of recovery, but they're also very individual in a lot of ways and take time to figure out and need to be relooked at occasionally. And stronger boundaries need to be held in these situations, and then over time you can lessen them. And it just, boundaries is a constant evolving thing. Yeah. That really requires a lot of thought and, and work. I will be talking about the basics. What is a boundary?

When do I need— know that I need to hold a boundary? When are, when are boundaries necessary? Why are boundaries so important? There are some worksheets that I'm trying to like retool to help people think through how to create the boundary. And then also the next part of that is then holding. the boundaries effectively, which for a lot of people in recovery can be the scariest part. I know committing to a boundary is, is scary, and then also following through with a consequence that may or may not feel like a punishment to the other person involved can be really scary.

But just going through and talking about why we need them, how some ideas on how to hold them, and then hopefully as people leave the presentation, they have some ideas about their own life and can call a sponsor or call a support person from meeting and run through those ideas and really come out with some things that will help them progress in their recovery. Excellent.

Tara McCausland: Well, I know that there will be many people that will be eager to hear what you have to say, and, but I, I appreciate your humility. It is a constant learning process and boundaries do have to be reevaluated frequently. I do love something that my mom, Ril, often says is the only language that an addict understands is boundaries, or that the addict brain understands boundaries. And so it really is critical to understand how we can create and hold these boundaries.

Kahi Winget: That is true. It is also true. This is a new thing that I'm learning as I'm working my recovery. It is also true for a betrayed spouse because we are addicted to different things, right? Like I'm addicted to putting other people in my center besides God, and I'm addicted to relationships and those kinds of things. And so I have to create boundaries for myself. Mm-hmm. So that I can change the way my brain thinks. And that has been a new piece for me within the last 2 or 3 years.

I've recognized the need to really make those boundaries and hold them so that I can change my brain as well.

Tara McCausland: Thank you. Equally important on both sides. Yeah.

Kahi Winget: Again, again, the healing is more parallel than I think we want to believe that it is.

Tara McCausland: Excellent point. Wonderful insights. Thanks again, Kahi. Other speakers that we will have at the conference are Todd Olson, our co-founder of LifeStar and the founder of a new group called Circles of Grace, who is actually a sponsor of the conference. And Todd, who is a therapist and LCSW, he will be talking about recovery and the 12 steps. And a brief summary is he talks about The importance of understanding how the mind-body system reacts to trauma and how that's helpful when navigating recovery and healing.

He says, this presentation addresses how the nervous system gets stuck when we experience events that are too big to hold, or when there is too much stress for a long period of time. You will learn some tools and skills to help navigate and regulate the nervous system so recovery and healing can be achieved. After the presentation, you'll be able to understand in a different way why 12-step meetings help with recovery and healing. We also have a really exciting TED-style presentation where 4 individuals will be talking about personal stories of recovery.

To end this brief episode, I brought on my friend, Dr. Jill Manning, who is a member of our advisory board, but also a wonderful therapist who specializes in betrayal trauma. She has been a presenter at our conference and also an attendee for a number of years. And I wanted to hear from her why she feels it would be beneficial for therapists, community and faith leaders, and those who are directly impacted by this issue to attend. So let's hear from her.

I have here with me, my friend and the wonderful Dr. Jill Manning. It's always a joy to be with you, dear. In your experience as individuals dealing with the effects of porn and sexual addiction, how would they benefit from attending an event like the SA Lifeline Conference?

Speaker 4: This conference is unique. I want to say, I'm not aware of any other conference like this one. And the 4 reasons why I think this is really a must attend is it reduces isolation. Just seeing other people on the online conference or in a conference room, we know we're with people dealing with similar issues. So it helps reduce isolation. Second, we become aware of resources, approaches, kind of the newest and latest in the field. And I know it as a clinician, I've specialized in this area for close to 25 years, Tara.

And when I've attended SA Lifeline conferences, I learned so much. I'll learn of a new book. It's enriching. So that's the second. Third, the content is top-notch. The quality of presenters, the quality of the content. Is outstanding. This is not a second-rate conference. I know, and knowing you as the organizer, how much effort goes into carefully thinking through what are the needs this year? Who would be the speaker that would best speak to where this issue is at currently in our culture?

So the thoughtfulness, the intentionality behind the speakers and how this is put together is just top-notch. And lastly, this is unique, that people get to see couples in recovery. That is something about SA Lifeline I've deeply admired for a long time. They emphasize individual recovery, but also families and couples healing. And that's in your taglines, right? That's baked into what you do and what you focus on. And when I've had clients that have attended in person, especially, I think has the optimal impact with this, to sit in a room and see couples sitting together.

That this isn't just a men or women's conference, but couples coming together and learning the recovery path together is, is really unique and a special opportunity to connect and envision the healing process in a different way. We need all hands on deck. And what I would say is if someone's not a specialist or doesn't even have interest in this topic in their practice, attend because guaranteed clinicians out there encountering this issue, even if it's not openly and directly being discussed in a session.

I think there really is something to be learned for everyone and to take away from a conference like this that can benefit the care we give and to expand our knowledge set. So I'd want to invite everybody from a variety of specialties to come and to invite parents to come. We really do need to work together. To solve these issues. We can't do this in isolation. Any of us clinicians need to work together, parents, all of us.

So I want to invite everybody to come.

Tara McCausland: Oh, thank you. I love those 4 points.

Kahi Winget: And I'll second that.

Tara McCausland: We definitely need all hands on deck in this issue. It's a pervasive problem. It does impact all of us, but we can heal together as we come together in an event like this. And find additional support and tools. So thank you, Dr. Manning, for all of your great work in this field. Thank you, Tara. Thank you so much for listening to this unique episode of Pathway to Recovery. We do hope to see you on September 9th, 2023, whether online or in person in Sandy, Utah.

And just a little reminder, we are using a really cool platform this year called Whova, which will enable all people Whether they are online or in person to ask questions in real time of the presenters. And all those who register will also have full access to each of the presentations via a recording in Whova for up to 3 months post-conference. We hope that you will take advantage of this great event that we have worked hard to prepare for.

To register, go to salifeline.org. You'll see a big register button on the main page, or you can click on events. and look more at the agenda. So again, thank you for being here with us. We hope to see you there September 9th, and thanks for joining us on this episode of Pathway to Recovery.

Narrator: Thanks for joining us. We invite you to subscribe to this podcast so that you don't miss new episodes. And while you're at it, will you please leave us a 5-star rating and review to help us spread the good news that healing Recovery from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma is possible. We invite individuals who are struggling to join our virtual or in-person trauma-sensitive 12-step meetings. Meeting times and locations can be found at sal12step.org. You can find quality education at salifeline.org, and we hope that you will follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

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